More Valentine’s Day Advice

Valentine’s Day is upon us again and many people are scared!  Yes, scared. In parts of India and Malaysia, for example, religious leaders and authorities are scared that their young people will engage in all kinds of sinful and immoral activity like kissing and hugging.  Some are calling for police and religious zealots to patrol the streets and prevent young people from committing these Valentine’s Day sins.  The young people are scared too and worry about how to avoid these “moral police”.  Some see it as a clash between decadent Western values and traditional values.

Always ready to make this world a better place and to help improve understanding between cultures and generations, the Lone Grey Squirrel has asked his old friend, Bob (also known as Dr. Love) to give advice this Valentine’s Day.  Dr. Love had previously made appearances in this blog in 2008 and 2009.   This time, Dr. Love answers questions sent to him by confused young people and uses his knowledge of traditional non-Western values to give them wise advice.

 

Dr. Love aka Aikenvoodoo-U Cassanova Lovelace the Great Witch Doctor - a face that you can trust

The Lone Grey Squirrel presents;

DR. AIKENVOODOO-U CASSANOVA LOVELACE THE GREAT WITCH DOCTOR answers the questions of your love-struck heart:-

Question 1:  Dear Doctor, I am shy and don’t know how to start a conversation with a girl.  Can you help me? (Thanks, “Shy and Lonely”)

Dear “Shy and Lonely”,

What you need is to learn some “pick-up” lines.  These “pick-up” lines help make a good first impression and must send out a strong message to the girl to get her interested.

For example, try this to impress her that you are well cultured; “Hi, do you want to see my shrunken head collection?”

Or to tell her that you are financially well off, try; “I have more cows than I can count with my fingers and toes.”

Or keep it straight and simple; “Me Tarzan, You Jane!” or something like that.

 

Question 2:  Dear Dr. Love,  Can you tell me how far it is appropriate to go on the first date?  Thanks, “Curious”.

Dear Curious,

In the West, they often answer this question by telling you whether it is okay to get to first base, second base or home run.  This is some strange reference to the game of baseball.  Of course, most of the world have no understanding of baseball other than there is a diamond somewhere on the field, spitting is involved and they have a place where they pen up the bulls.  I suspect that the diamond is hidden in the mound.  Anyway, in our part of the world we play football or what the Americans call soccer, so I will answer using soccer terms so that you will understand better.

So listen up.  Your date will be surprised if you do not at least try a forward pass.  But be careful once you go pass the midline and make advances to the other half.  If you decide to get more physical and tackle, she may cry foul.  The further you get closer to the goal, the greater the risk that you will be called up for being off-side.  Remember if you commit a serious offence, the father may often execute a penalty kick to the balls.  Whatever you do, avoid the attention of the referees or moral police.  Run if you hear a whistle.

 

Question 3:  Dear Dr. Love,  I am in love with a beautiful girl but she doesn’t love me.  I have tried to impress her with my wealth by buying her presents, diamonds, and a sports car.  Still she says her heart belongs to another.  What can I do?  Thanks, Desperate.

Dear Desperate,

There is only one thing that will work.  A love potion.  I so happen to have a very special Love Potion No: 9 which I could send to you for a small fee of presents, diamonds and a sports car.

If you need help with other matters of the heart, send your questions and all your money to  “Dr. Love at Reallyrichwitchdoctors and Assorted Cons, Swampland, Hurricane Alley, Florida.”

 

Rubbish in My Head

Today, my mind was full of rubbish.  The cheeky reader will no doubt raise an eyebrow and think to himself/herself that this is nothing new for LGS but you would be wrong cause I was deeper into rubbish than usual.  Specifically, I was trying to find a decent pedal bin to use for throwing  rubbish and wastes in the kitchen.  Of utmost importance, the bin must be ant proof as I am having so many ants in my kitchen that they are fighting turf wars over territory and dropped food scraps.

Anyway, there I was, innocently walking into a shop which sells said pedal bins when it happened!  I will never be the same again.  My jaw dropped like a ton of bricks when I saw the price of the small 10 liter pedal bin.   It was Malaysian Ringgit 490 or USD 159.  That seems rather a lot to spend for a rubbish bin.

I remember when I was traveling, different things were cheap and different things were expensive in different parts of the world.  Some had to due with the lack of supply or the logistics of supply. In Japan, fruits can be costly indeed.  A single banana can cost USD 1.  Even more awe-inspiring, Japanese will pay as much as USD 240 for a melon.  In India, I was surprised to find good quality saris (traditional dress for Indian women) can be very expensive but food and long distance phone calls were very cheap.

I don’t pretend to understand economics but it seems that when demand is low, the price can be high.  When the demand is moderate, then the price usually lowers but when demand is very high than the price goes up again.

A lot of travel blogs like to use the price of a McDonald’s set meal as a way of comparing relative cost of living in different parts of the world.  The rationale being that unfortunately the golden arches is ubiquitous all over the world.  I prefer to use eggs.  Eggs is a more basic unit of comparison especially to help us get our perspective right.

For example, my USD 149 rubbish bin is the same as 1,176 eggs.  Assuming I take two eggs (whether sunny-side up, scrambled or as an omelette), that is about 588 satisfying breakfasts that I could have instead of owning a pedal bin.

So using the Egg Index, here are some of the relative costs of things here in Malaysia.  How about in your neck of the woods?

• cheap breakfast = 7.2 eggs
• Big Mac burger  = 11 eggs
• liter of milk        =  12  eggs
• bottle of beer    =  30 eggs
• moderate restaurant meal   =  60 eggs
• Music CD   = 120 eggs
• average visit to doctor for minor ailments  = 192 eggs
• Broadband internet access  = 240 eggs
• pedal bin (rubbish)    = 1,176 eggs
• Nintendo Wii console = 4,200 eggs
• mid range computer  =9,600 eggs

An Introduction to Bollywood Movies

I understand that a certain movie filmed in Mumbai, India has made it big time in Hollywood and is really making waves. I refer of course to the Oscar winning movie, Slumdog Millionaire. Now I have not seen this movie yet but I am not unfamiliar with Indian movies. In fact, I understand that Hollywood and Bollywood plan to increase collaborating on more movies.

So on the verge of a Bollywood invasion of Hollywood, I have decided to provide a public service by preparing the world for this up-coming cultural treat. Don’t worry if you are unfamiliar with Indian culture or the Hindi language. I have selected two videos of Indian movies’ famous dance sequences. With the help of subtitles prepared by Bufflax, you will find that these movies are really quite
attainable and enjoyable.

Just in case, you will find the first video a little too much of a culture shock and unfamiliar, I have included the second video which is an Indian adaptation of the musicvideo “Thriller”. So at least that will be somewhat familiar.

This is a public service for world peace and understanding. No thanks needed. Enjoy.

Thaipusam

This post is a follow on from the last post on the topic of body scars.

This year, the 9th of February so happens to be Thaipusam which is a very special Hindu festival which is especially celebrated by the Tamil peoples throughout the world. It is celebrated on the full moon during the Tamil month of Thai. Pusam refers to a star that reaches its highest elevation in the sky during the festival. The festival honours the birthday of the Lord Murugam and his acquisition of the spear that would enable him to triumph over the evil demon Soorapadman.

Today, the festival has been celebrated in India and nearly every other part of the world where there is a sizeable Tamil community. There are major celebrations in Malaysia and in Singapore. The main site of the celebration in Kuala Lumpur is at the massive limestone outcrop called Batu Caves where today, more than 1.3 million devotees and tourists converged.

One major component of the festival is the carrying of the kavadi. Devotees who have asked favours from or prayed to the Lord Murugam often make pledges to carry the kavadi. The simplest form of the kavadi is a semi-circular frame with a wooden rod which is placed across the shoulders of the devotee. Other forms include piercing the skin and supporting the kavadi with metal spokes or spears. Another variant involves using hooks embedded into the skin to carry heavy objects or to pull a chariot. Other devotees may pass a skewer through their cheeks. Basically, the more pain you endure, the more merit you score.

However, devotees go through a strict purification ritual which includes prayers and specific diets. Special powders are applied and prayers chanted. As a result, most devotees enter a trance-like state where they seem to feel no pain from their self-inflicted wounds.

These kavadis may be carried along a procession route but in Kuala lumpur, they end up at Batu Caves where they will be carrried up these 272 steps leading to the cave temple complex.

Another aspect which is very much identified with the festival is the smashing of coconuts as offerings after their prayers. This results in a sea of smashed coconuts which is entusiastically welcomed by resident monkeys but less so by the cleaning crews the next day.

This squirrel has been to Batu Caves a number of times and it certainly worth a visit if you are ever in Kuala Lumpur. However, this squirrel is also smart enough not to be there in the mad crush of 1.3 million people in the equatorial heat and humidity.

That is all for now from this squirrel, reporting from a safe and comfortable distance from the Batu Caves.

Operating on a Jackfruit

If there is one thing that squirrels are experts in, it is fruits and nuts. On that pretext, I would like to introduce you readers to the Jackfruit (Artocarpus heterophyllus). This is the largest tree borne fruit in the world which is why this squirrel is all excited about it. It can grow up to a meter in length and can weigh as much as 36 kg (80lbs).

The fruit contains within it scores of fleshy pulp covered seeds. It is this fleshy pulp that is eaten. It has a firm texture, has a strong fruity aldehyde smell, mild flavour and is sugary sweet. This fruit is probably native to the Indian sub-continent but is also found in Malaysia. The young fruit is also used in making curries.

Obtaining the edible pulp requires some know-how however. The problem is that the fruit exudes a latex that is both sticky and an irritant. Therefore certain precautions and procedures need to be followed, for example, wearing gloves. The knife used to cut the fruit should also be wiped with vegetable oil before use. This stops the latex from gumming up the knife.

There is still no way to send taste and flavour over the internet so for the time being, you will have to take my word for it that it is great or you can go look for the fruit and try it yourself. (calling all nerds, there’s money to be made if tastes and flavours could be sent my internet. Get cracking on it!)

However, through the magic of video, I will share with you the trauma and drama of operating on a Jackfruit to harvest the delicious pulp. Be warned this original Lone Grey Squirrel Video is not for the squeamish!

Mumbai Sorrow

Photo by Reuters

How many greeted that sunrise brimming with the joy of hope?
How many awoke that morning bowed by the burdens of life?

Perhaps some anticipating happy reunions at the rail’s journey end.
Or some enjoying late evening dining and romancing with loved ones.

Others in fleeting transit on business or on pilgrimage to Ghandi’s nation.
Many just coming to the end of a day of toil and ready for simple rest.

Surely not one expected to die in a hail of bullets and bombs that day.
Not one deserved that their lives, their hopes and dreams ended that way.

They had no part in creating the hatred and madness that overtook them.
But for their memory, let us strive for this hatred and madness to end.