Valentine’s Day Jailhouse Blues

I am no big fan of Valentine’s Day.  My wife and I think it is silly to celebrate our love on the one specific day of the year when all the florists, shopkeepers and restaurants have their knives out to slaughter lovers with exorbitant prices.  In the modern context, Valentine’s Day is just another over-hyped, commercial event.    Historically, the romantic associations with Valentine’s Day has nothing to do with Saint Valentine who was not remembered as some patron of lovers.  Valentine is remembered on that day because he was a martyr who was brutally killed for his faith.  Inspirational, maybe.  Romantic? No.

Apparently, the first known association of  Valentine’s Day with romance and love comes from Geoffrey Chaucer’s poem “Parlement of Foules” which was written in 1382.  In the poem, he wrote;

“For this was Saint Valentine’s Day, when every bird cometh there to choose his mate”

So, apparently, Chaucer was referring to a special day when birds in Britain choose their mate.  And even then, he may also have exercised poetic license cause February 14th is way too early and cold for returning birds to be turning to thoughts of love.

So, Valentine’s Day to me is just a load of hogwash.  Still, I respect the right of the gullible to fall for the modern marketing gimmicks and the right of hopeless romantics to knock themselves out to celebrate the loves of their lives. Hey, it can even be fun watching some of their antics.

Roses are Red,

Violets are Blue,

Celebrating Valentine’s can be costly,

And land you in jail too.

 

However, be warned that since 2005 Muslims in Malaysia can be arrested for celebrating Valentine’s Day and in fact more than 100 Muslim couples were arrested last year.   Proponents and supporters of this “law” give three main reasons;

1. Valentine’s Day is associated with elements of Christianity.
2. Celebrating Valentine’s Day leads to immoral acts (they call it sinful sexual gratification day).
3. Asking someone to be your Valentine is akin to idolatry.

The Pan-Malaysian Islamic Party (PAS) is pushing for more arrests this year for Muslim couples out on the town celebrating  this terrible Day.  They are also asking the government to ban hotels from offering any Valentine’s Day specials which they say may lead to couples spending an illicit night at the hotels.  Finally, they are asking the government to place public service announcements on national television to warn Muslims from celebrating the Day.  What killjoys!

Perhaps the ladies are more romantic cause the Sisters in Islam (SIS) spoke out against PAS’s anti-Valentine’s Day campaign.  One of SIS members was quoted as saying, ““It will be better for them to concentrate on other important matters like the backlog of syariah cases in court or the payment of alimony to wife and children.”

Right on, ladies.  As I said, I am no big fan of Valentine’s Day but I believe that those who want to, have every right to pay five times the normal price for flowers or blow a month’s salary on a romantic dinner.  After all as they say “love makes fools of us all” and “fools and their money are soon parted.”

Happy Valentine’s Day young lovers wherever you are.

Unburied Nuts from 9th February 2007: Love – The Early Symptoms

Squirrels love to bury their precious nuts so as to uncover them later to enjoy at leisure. In the same way, this blog, from time to time, brings an old post back for another short period in the sun. This one happens to be one of my earliest post and a special Valentine’s Day re-post.

 

Today I shall pretend to be an expert on “love” and shall attempt to give a discourse on the subject, focusing on the affliction in the early years of life. My credentials, you ask? Have I ever behaved erratically around girls? Have I been compelled to do something stupid which is as embarrassing today as it was then? Have I tortured flowers by plucking their petals ? (“she loves me, she loves me not”). Did my dad ever talked to me about the phone bill? Have I contributed to deforestation with all the failed love poems crumpled in the waste bin? Has my heart ever ached? Did the power of speech ever leave me? (Err, Em…Ah…That is… I mean…). Yes to all the above, which is why I believe I am qualified.

 

Puppy Love:-

Photocredit: lopsidedsmiley

 

This is the earliest manifestation of the ailment. Wikipedia says, “Puppy love is an informal term for feelings of love between young people, especially during adolescence, so-called for its resemblance to the affection that may be felt towards a puppy dog.”

Hmmm. Just imagine. “Sugar, I love you just as much as I love Rex. You’re both so cute although he catches frisbees better than you.”

Photocredit: jonlewis1975

 

I beg to disagree with Wikipedia. I think the term merely means a love between two extremely young and immature kids who don’t know better yet. What I mean is that when we are very young, our knowledge of the world is constantly expanding and growing bigger. We might fall “in love” with someone until we realise there’s more fish in the sea. For example, I may only have tried vanilla or chocolate ice cream and decide I “love” vanilla. Later I discover Baskin & Robbins, Ben & Jerry etc and I forget vanilla and chase after pistachio almond fudge instead. (Actually, in real life, I still actually love vanilla ice cream. I am faithful to my first ice cream flavor).

Okay, to summarise:- Puppy love does not last because it’s like making a choice from the appetisers section because you haven’t yet seen the whole menu.

 

Crush:-
Wikipedia says, “Limerence, as posited by psychologist Dorothy Tennov, is an involuntary cognitive and emotional state in which a person feels an intense romantic desire for another person (the limerent object). Limerence can often be what is meant when one expresses “having a crush” on someone else. It is characterized by intrusive thinking and pronounced sensitivity to external events that reflect the disposition of the limerent object towards the individual”

Huh?

I think a crush is when one of the puppies (see above) dumps the other puppy because she realises how cool the leader of the pack is. She likes it when the alpha dog shows her attention. The huge age gap does not matter. Alpha dog is just the greatest creature that ever lived. But this cannot end well because when the alpha dog runs with the pack, the puppy just can’t keep up. She’s still got some growing up to do.

By the time, she comes to her senses, puppy love has discovered pistachio almond fudge and moved on. This leads to an important cross-road in life. She can either choose to be like Avril Lavigne and write angry young woman angst or she can seek comfort in the collective sorrow of country music.

 

Infatuation:-
As we mature, we actually take a few steps back. I think in puppy love and crush stages, we actually care about the whole person. For example, alpha dog cannot do wrong. He’s got good fashion sense; he’s cool, he’s kind, he’s the smartest, he’s everything you ever wanted to bring home to meet mom.

Infatuation is going backwards; it’s not about the whole person. Some may say focused; others, more shallow. The afflicted will spend hours day-dreaming about his or her nose; or some other superficial physical feature that has tugged the heart strings. Maybe this is “desire” or “passion” learning how to crawl. Okay, I confess, my very first infatuation was with someone’s hair.

Infatuation is empowering. It makes you feel that you have supernatural powers. You can slow down time and watch her hair move from side to side in slow-motion. It makes you invisible (or so you think, until her mother catches you in the bushes) as you stalk her with your camera to take her photo. It gives you super energy that you are willing to cycle 10 kilometers to her neighborhood.

Unfortunately, the kryptonite in this scenario is when you realise that the hair is attached to other less attractive parts and the final straw is when you discover she thinks basketball (your other true love) is boring.

Thankfully for everyone and especially parents, we then progress into remission and go through a period of staying away from the “stupid” other sex.

This concludes my discourse on “love ….the early symptoms,” as told by a squirrel and illustrated with dogs.

Two Funerals Past and a Wedding Soon

Over the last couple of days, I spent some time with my friend Porgie and his two kids, John (13 years old) and Meg (11 years old).   Porgie and family live 1,600 km away and seldom come to Kuala Lumpur.  The last time they were here was more than 3 years ago when Porgie’s wife was hospitalised for chemotherapy treatment of cancer.  Unfortunately, soon after she returned home and passed away.

This time, Porgie’s visit was with a happier purpose.  Porgie had found a new love and they are planning a life together.  This trip was to introduce his two kids to her two kids from a previous marriage.  My wife and I were privileged to be part of the introduction process and to back Porgie up in case the meeting of families did not go well.  However, as it turned out, there was nothing to worry about.  All four kids got on well and when we met up with them (a day after they actually met), they were already behaving like life-long friends.  Perhaps it helped that Porgie’s kids have long been concerned about their father’s loneliness and had hoped that he would find some new love.

So we had a riotous weekend with them, taking them shopping and sightseeing and generally giving them opportunity to have fun together.  However, in a quieter moment, when everybody else were busy shopping, Porgie reminded me that the next day was the 3rd anniversary of  his wife’s passing.  It was something that did not surprise me.  Porgie would never forget.

Coincidentally, that same day, I received an electronic message from another friend, Charles.  The message noted that that day would have been the 5th birthday of his wife since she passed away from cancer.  It celebrated everything that he had loved about her and thanked friends that have helped him in his grief all those years and continued to make her memory real for him.  Charles will never forget.

I don’t believe that Charles will ever re-marry; that’s just not him.   He will have only one love in this life.  At the same time, I fully understand and appreciate Porgie’s decision to remarry (and he seems to have chosen well, his new partner).  I don’t think it in any way diminishes the love that he will always have for his first wife.  Charles and Porgie have just chosen different paths.

I am thankful for my wife of 18 years and look forward to many more happy years together.  Still, thinking about Charles and Porgie, I wondered how I would have reacted in their position.  I believe that I am more like Charles but who can really be sure?

This squirrel is just pondering the imponderables.

(The names have been changed to protect young lovers all over the world).

Romancing the Screen

People tell me that I am a romantic.  I don’t think I am.  I suppose I believe that romance can be wonderful but I place no faith in its staying power.

I certainly have little patience for what passes for romance movies nowadays.  A quick survey of recent romance movies will reveal highly contrived and unrealistic story lines.  Let’s see, there’s the story of a woman who is always the bridesmaid and never the bride…..27 times (27 Dresses).  Or it could be that the man realises he loves his long time best friend but only after she gets engaged to someone else and asks him to be her honor attendant (Made of Honor).  Or where hot romance only occurs with stone cold brooding vampires (Twilight).  Then there is a tale of the career driven executive woman who needs to be posted to a factory in the Minnesotan winter wilderness before she can find love in her arch enemy, the union representative (New in Town). Or she is a school teacher who is having an affair with a student’s father and having a baby with her estranged husband (Then She Found Me).

I am not saying that these are not necessarily bad movies.  They may be good to watch but   they are stories of an idealised sense of romance under very unique circumstances which quite frankly  relates to very few of us.  I certainly hope none of us have been the bridesmaid for 27 friends or had to run a plant in the frozen north or are so awkward, we find understanding only from the undead.  Similarly, none of us age backwards like Benjamin Button or have had the extraordinary talent and life of Forrest Gump.

But would you watch a movie about  a boy and a girl meeting on a train and then spending the day talking to each other until they part the next morning.  Yup, they talk and they walk and nothing much else happens except that they make that rare connection of the souls.  Well, I watched such a movie and I think there was a rare confluence of talent from the writer, director and actors which resulted in the movie that I consider one of the greatest romance movies ever.  There is nothing special about the boy or the girl.  It could be you.  It could be me.

I refer to the movie, Before Sunrise.  This 1995 movie was written by  Richard Linklater and Kim Krizan, directed by Linklater and Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy.  Ethan’s American character, Jesse, is traveling through Europe on a railpass when he meets Julie’s French character, Celine, on the train on the day before he flies back to the USA from Vienna.  The movie is just entirely about how they discover each other in the few hours they spend together walking around Vienna.  The ending was cleverly left open-ended until the sequel, Before Sunset, picks up the story 9 years later.

If you have never watched either movie, I totally recommend watching both, one after the other.  The video clip below comes from near the end of Before Sunset and Celine sings this wonderfully simple song to Jesse.  It was a great way to end the story.  The song was actually written and sung by Julie Delpy.

What are your all-time favorite romantic movies?

Speak Sweetly and Join a Club

Attention ladies!  Have I got a club for you!  Men, you might find this interesting too.  Last weekend, the Malaysian chapter of the “Obedient Wives Club” or OWC was launched in Kuala Lumpur with 800 registered members.  This is the second chapter of the club; the first being in Jordan with 200 members.  Another chapter is due to be launched in Indonesia soon and it is probably a matter of time before you will find one near where you live.

The OWC believes that many of society ills such as prostitution, domestic violence, human trafficking and abandoned babies can be solved if the man is kept happy, fulfilled and sexually satisfied within the marriage context.   Well, I will let the OWC Vice President (or is that president of vice; I get confused) explain it herself  below……

She went on to say that to achieve this, wives must “serve their husbands better than a first-class prostitute”.  The Club will be offering women classes on sexual techniques and performances as well as marriage counseling.  For advanced members, you might be invited to join their sister club, “the Polygamy Club” (I kid you not), in situations where one obedient wife is not enough to satisfy .

I suppose clubs like these have always been important throughout the history of human male – female relationships.  For example, I imagine the following to be a typical interaction during the distant Stone Age.

Caveman says to Cavegirl, “I like you.  Would you like to join my club?”

Cavegirl says, “Sure, I would like to join your club.”

Caveman hits her on the head with club and drags her off, unconscious by her hair into marital bliss.

Clubs Were Also Important in Stoneage Marraiges

While female members of OWC get to go to all those exciting classes, one has to wonder what the club offers to male members.  I don’t know this as a fact but if they model the club along the lines of  a book club, perhaps the men get a wife-of-the-month selection.

Oh, I  am sure that you can tell how proud I am that this comes from Malaysia.  I await with anticipation, your thoughts on this, dear readers.

Remembering a Broken Heart

Once in awhile, I come across a singer-songwriter that just knocks my socks off and makes me take notice.  A strong, distinctive and emotive voice together with a unique style are of course part of a winning hand for a singer.  I much prefer singers who perform well “live” and unplugged and do not rely on gimmicks or near nudity to sell themselves.   But my greatest respect and admiration go to those who write and perform their own original music. And once in awhile, there comes someone whose lyrics are just outstanding.

My recent “discovery” is Adele.  This British singer (full name is Adele Laurie Blue Adkins) has already come out with two best selling albums, “19″ and “21″.  Her relatively new and short career thus far has been strewn with awards and recognitions.  In 2008, she was named the Critics’ Choice at the BRIT Awards.  In 2009, she won “Best New Artist” and “Best Female Pop Vocal Performance” at the 51st Grammy Awards.  She is the first living artiste since the Beatles to achieve a top five hit in both the Singles and the Album charts at the same time.  Yet, I have not heard her get any airtime on Malaysian radio or TV – maybe they don’t “get” her music.

In the video below which features her singing her song at the recent 2011 BRIT Awards, the host presenter says that “she is able to describe exactly how you felt a certain point in your life and she is able to do that time and time again……….if you have ever had a broken heart, you are about to remember it now.”  I think it is quite an accurate description of her songs.  Are you ready to remember your broken heart?  Below are the amazing lyrics and song.

 

Someone Like You by Adele

I heard that you’re settled down,
That you found a girl and you’re married now,
I heard that your dreams came true,
Guess she gave you things I didn’t give to you,
Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain’t like you to hold back or hide from the light,

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it,
I had hoped you’d see my face,
And that you’d be reminded that for me it isn’t over,

Never mind, I’ll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don’t forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
“Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,”
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead, yeah,

You know how the time flies,
Only yesterday was the time of our lives,
We were born and raised in a summer haze,
Bound by the surprise of our glory days,

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight it,
I had hoped you’d see my face,
And that you’d be reminded that for me it isn’t over,

Never mind, I’ll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don’t forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
“Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,”

Nothing compares,
No worries or cares,
Regrets and mistakes, they’re memories made,
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Nevermind, I’ll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you,
Don’t forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
“Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,”

Nevermind, I’ll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don’t forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
“Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,”
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead.

 

More Valentine’s Day Advice

Valentine’s Day is upon us again and many people are scared!  Yes, scared. In parts of India and Malaysia, for example, religious leaders and authorities are scared that their young people will engage in all kinds of sinful and immoral activity like kissing and hugging.  Some are calling for police and religious zealots to patrol the streets and prevent young people from committing these Valentine’s Day sins.  The young people are scared too and worry about how to avoid these “moral police”.  Some see it as a clash between decadent Western values and traditional values.

Always ready to make this world a better place and to help improve understanding between cultures and generations, the Lone Grey Squirrel has asked his old friend, Bob (also known as Dr. Love) to give advice this Valentine’s Day.  Dr. Love had previously made appearances in this blog in 2008 and 2009.   This time, Dr. Love answers questions sent to him by confused young people and uses his knowledge of traditional non-Western values to give them wise advice.

 

Dr. Love aka Aikenvoodoo-U Cassanova Lovelace the Great Witch Doctor - a face that you can trust

The Lone Grey Squirrel presents;

DR. AIKENVOODOO-U CASSANOVA LOVELACE THE GREAT WITCH DOCTOR answers the questions of your love-struck heart:-

Question 1:  Dear Doctor, I am shy and don’t know how to start a conversation with a girl.  Can you help me? (Thanks, “Shy and Lonely”)

Dear “Shy and Lonely”,

What you need is to learn some “pick-up” lines.  These “pick-up” lines help make a good first impression and must send out a strong message to the girl to get her interested.

For example, try this to impress her that you are well cultured; “Hi, do you want to see my shrunken head collection?”

Or to tell her that you are financially well off, try; “I have more cows than I can count with my fingers and toes.”

Or keep it straight and simple; “Me Tarzan, You Jane!” or something like that.

 

Question 2:  Dear Dr. Love,  Can you tell me how far it is appropriate to go on the first date?  Thanks, “Curious”.

Dear Curious,

In the West, they often answer this question by telling you whether it is okay to get to first base, second base or home run.  This is some strange reference to the game of baseball.  Of course, most of the world have no understanding of baseball other than there is a diamond somewhere on the field, spitting is involved and they have a place where they pen up the bulls.  I suspect that the diamond is hidden in the mound.  Anyway, in our part of the world we play football or what the Americans call soccer, so I will answer using soccer terms so that you will understand better.

So listen up.  Your date will be surprised if you do not at least try a forward pass.  But be careful once you go pass the midline and make advances to the other half.  If you decide to get more physical and tackle, she may cry foul.  The further you get closer to the goal, the greater the risk that you will be called up for being off-side.  Remember if you commit a serious offence, the father may often execute a penalty kick to the balls.  Whatever you do, avoid the attention of the referees or moral police.  Run if you hear a whistle.

 

Question 3:  Dear Dr. Love,  I am in love with a beautiful girl but she doesn’t love me.  I have tried to impress her with my wealth by buying her presents, diamonds, and a sports car.  Still she says her heart belongs to another.  What can I do?  Thanks, Desperate.

Dear Desperate,

There is only one thing that will work.  A love potion.  I so happen to have a very special Love Potion No: 9 which I could send to you for a small fee of presents, diamonds and a sports car.

If you need help with other matters of the heart, send your questions and all your money to  “Dr. Love at Reallyrichwitchdoctors and Assorted Cons, Swampland, Hurricane Alley, Florida.”

 

It’s Still Christmas

This is a post about Christmas.  Why am I posting about Christmas when it is already the 10th of January?  Well, if you look at my new year’s resolution for 2009 and 2010, it was to “stop procrastinating”.  Sadly, in 2011, I have failed again!

As regular viewers will have read, 2011 has kicked off at warp factor 5 and I am only now trying to reunite mind and body after the hyperspace jump.  There! I hope that pseudo-scientific mumbo jumbo will somehow reverse the techionic field and presto………a Christmas post!

Normally, when I have let time slip by on a post idea, I usually let it go to sink into oblivion but this one’s special.  I did something I hadn’t done for a long time at Christmas.  I thought about someone other than myself.

I confess that for various reasons, I tend to like to spend Christmas alone; away from the noise and celebrations.  For years, I have turned down invitations to Christmas parties in favour of a quiet night at home.  In the same way, although going house to house caroling was something I enjoyed in my youth, I have not done so for years.  Good grief, even as I type this, I am beginning to believe that I was turning into a Grinch.

Well, not this year!  Oops, sorry. Last year!  I joined a group from church to visit a children’s shelter.  This 3 bedroom single storey link house houses 24 children from the ages of 6 months to 16 years old.  Most are not orphans but were either abandoned or abused.  Some were given up by their single mother parent because of poverty.

It was a fantastic experience.  We sang Christmas carols, had our young storyteller tell the Christmas story, gave out presents (practical ones like water tumblers or shoes) and finally had a festive meal together.  Everyone from church joined in the effort from the young kids, teenagers, working adults and seniors.

Even though we were there for only about 3 hours, some of us were able to relate with the shelter kids.  It was also good to see some of the young people who come from privileged backgrounds also being able to reach out to these children at their level as real friends.  Already some of them help out at this shelter from time to time.

You know, this was one of the best Christmases I have had in a very long time.  The reason is that I looked beyond myself and my normal self-indulgent reverie at this time of the year and reclaimed the joy of telling others and sharing with others, “Joy to the World”.  If you want a merry Christmas or indeed a wonderful life, don’t hang on to it but give of your life to others.  Sermon ends.

 

Carol Singing

Our Storyteller - Weaves His Magic

The Captivated Audience

Festive Feasting Together

All photos by LGS.  Please note that this is pre-new camera and were taken on handphone.  Hence the less than desirable quality of images.

 

?!?!

This happened to me recently…….

Me, enthusiastically : “So how was your honeymoon?”

Recent Bride : “Um….meh.”

Me : “?!?!”

Dear wise reader, what appropriate response would you have thought of?

Just Married …..At Last.

The Cute Cherub has Aged

I had a rather busy weekend.  One of the things I had going on was a friend’s wedding at which I took on the role of the master of ceremonies.  So that you do not misunderstand, let me clarify that there was a pastor to give a short sermon and to carry out the solemnisation of the marriage.  My role was merely to make the announcements, guide the congregation through the service programme and to help lead in the singing.  I think the wedding went well and I discharged my duties adequately apart from forgetting to ask the congregation to sit down at one point and on another occasion referring to  the flower girls as “page girls”.

I think there was a collective sigh of relief from all assembled when the bride and groom finally exchanged vows.  The reason is that the couple are both in their late 40′s after having an on again – off again relationship for over 15 years.  15 years!  Can you imagine?

The reason?  I suppose they would tell us that there were many reasons for the long journey but I think at the root of it was the fact that they were to some extent both  “commitment phobes”. Well, at least they finally took the plunge. Better late than never.  We are all happy for the couple.

The next day some of us were discussing “commitment phobia” over lunch and I learned that someone else I knew also has had an on again – off again relationship with this girl who has been his best friend since school, for also over 15 years.  In this case, though, there has been no happy conclusion yet.  In fact, during this time, the guy has gone out with at least three other girls.  Each time, the girl had graciously stepped aside and waited and then returned to his side when that episode was over.  It seems clear that he is happy with being best friends while she is hoping for more.

I remember a episode from the comic strip Bloom County or Outland (not sure which) where Opus the penguin is on a bridge all kitted out for bungee jumping by Ronald-Ann who runs the bungee jumping enterprise.  Opus keeps running up to the edge of the bridge but stops, peers over the edge and then backs off.  Each time he makes reference to how it is a metaphor for a guy excited at the thought of intimacy in marriage but getting cold feet as he peers into the chasm of commitment. After doing this a couple of times, Ronald-Ann finally takes matters into her own hands and shoves Opus off the bridge while giving the advice “You have to give them a push, girls”.

So what do you think? What can we do as friends to people like this?  Should we give them a push?