I don’t believe in astrology but surely this week, the man on the moon woke up on the wrong side of the sun, Saturn’s rings are all askew, Mars is fuming and Venus is frigid. The combination has resulted in great ill-fortune and horror. The internet provider technical support person continues to be an disemboweled voice originating from the twilight zone and I am apparently channeling for HP Lovecraft (see previous post for details on both). Once again, I am blogging from the premises of the dark Starbucks Empire.
However, I have yet to reveal the greatest horror of all! (drumroll) I have a toothache and (drumroll) I had to visit a dentist and (drumroll and crescendo) I have to get a root canal procedure done this afternoon.
I hate dentists. I think dentists are evil, sadistic con men. I have goods reason to believe this. When I was young, I had to endure some weekly visits to the dentist. My parents brought me to a dental specialist who after stirring his witches’ cauldron and consulting with his magical Papau New Guinea shrunken head declared that I had extra teeth and an abnormally small jaw which would force my teeth to be poorly aligned. My two front teeth would especially protrude forward and look like a squirrel’s (ironic, ain’t it). Furthermore, I had a tooth lying in the middle of my mouth cavity which if not treated would eventually grow up and out from my palate into my nose cavity and eventually emerge like a unicorn’s horn.
His proposed treatment was to extract the extra teeth to give my remaining teeth more room and to allow the unicorn horn to drop down into the jaw as a normal tooth and then extracted. And so, between the ages of 8 and 10, I was subjected to some 8 tooth extractions and *shiver* the medieval torture device, braces. It is sitting in the dentist’s chair and pretending that the dentist’s drill sounds like “Ommmm” that I did some quality thinking and learnt some valuable life lessons.
Lessons learnt the hard and painful way;
- Dentists are evil conmen. (after my eight tooth extraction, I threw a tantrum and insisted my parent’s got an opinion from another dentist. We did this and the new dentist said that there was no need to have any further extractions and that the unicorn tooth would never grow up and out of my nose. Now, some 30 years later, there is still no unicorn horn on my head. So the first dentist was a con man, making profits from little children’s pain).
- The dentist always wants to hold a conversation with you after he puts in the local anesthetic and about a dozen tubes and tools in your mouth. (more evidence of diabolical evil).
- When the dentist say “Spit”, he means into the sink and not at his face (take that you evil diabolical con man).
- Braces are not cool. (hence my very lonely childhood).
To be fair, from my current visit to the dentist, I have noted that the profession has changed somewhat and has tried to get rid of its bad boy Spanish Inquisition image. The dentist was very nice, keeping me well informed about what he was doing and apologising every time he caused me pain by “accidentally” using his sharp metal probe to play my throbbing tooth like a xylophone.
So, I am hoping for the best as I go to for my root canal work this afternoon but i am fearing the worse. Hence the title of today’s post, “Something Evil This Way Comes” and it wears a white coat and carries a drill. While not one of HP Lovecraft’s, it is a masterpiece of horror by another fine writer and a personal favorite, Ray Bradbury. It was written the year I was born. A mere coincidence? Or an appointment set in the deep recesses of the Twilight Zone?!!?