Well, my year is coming to an end. In a few hours time, we say goodbye to the Year of the Tiger. To those of you who had a good year………you’re welcome. I will soon have to wait for another 12 years before I get a year again. By tomorrow, we will be all at the mercy of the Year of the Rabbit.
Make no mistake, this coming year will be a challenging year. Some may think that the Tiger is ferocious but we are just big pussycats. Now rabbits……they’re different. They are evil. One can only imagine what havoc they will wreak when they are put in charge of a whole year. I shudder in fear.
Do I hear scoffers squeal “What nonsense! Rabbits are cute, fluffy and harmless.”? Ha! That is exactly what they want you to think and then when your guard is down …….whooomp! Yes, true evil hides behind a fluffy facade.
Do I hear scoffers squeal “What nonsense! What evidence is there that rabbits are evil?” Well, in anticipating just such a response, the Lone Grey Squirrel has compiled some witnesses who will testify about the truth about these dangerous creatures.
Witness 1 (Tim the Enchanter – from Monty Python and the Holy Grail/Spamalot)
“That’s no ordinary rabbit! That’s the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!”
Witness 2 (Anya the Vengence Demon – from Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode “Once More, With Feeling)
“”Bunnies aren’t just cute like everybody supposes. They got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses, and what’s with all the carrots? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?” (LGS: Why indeed?)
Witness 3: (Jody Powell, Press Secretary to President Carter – referring to an incident dubbed “the killer rabbit attack” when a rabbit threatened the President while he was on a boat fishing in Plains, Georgia)
““The animal was clearly in distress, or perhaps berserk. The President confessed to having had limited experience with enraged rabbits. He was unable to reach a definite conclusion about its state of mind. What was obvious, however, was that this large, wet animal, making strange hissing noises and gnashing its teeth, was intent upon climbing into the Presidential boat.” (LGS: Rabbits should be on the Homeland Security watch list)
Witness 4: (Elmer Fudd – Ordinary American and rabbit hunter)
(with reference to Bugs Bunny)
“Be vewy, vewy quiet. Wabbits have ears! Weally, long ears! Let me tell you about wabbits. They are vewy pesky, evil cwitters. Not only that, they are cwazy and scwewy. If you get the chance, make sure you shoot them dead with buwwets or they will dwive you cwazy.”
So, you have been warned. Keep your head down and we may survive the Year if the Wabbit.