Beware the Year of the Rabbit

Well, my year is coming to an end.  In a few hours time, we say goodbye to the Year of the Tiger.  To those of you who had a good year………you’re welcome.  I will soon have to wait for another 12 years before I get a year again.  By tomorrow, we will be all at the mercy of the  Year of the Rabbit.

Make no mistake, this coming year will be a challenging year.  Some may think that the Tiger is ferocious but we are just big pussycats.  Now rabbits……they’re different. They are evil.  One can only imagine what havoc they will wreak when they are put in charge of a whole year.   I shudder in fear.

Do I hear scoffers squeal “What nonsense! Rabbits are cute, fluffy and harmless.”? Ha! That is exactly what they want you to think and then when your guard is down …….whooomp!  Yes, true evil hides behind a fluffy facade.

Do I hear scoffers squeal “What nonsense!  What evidence is there that rabbits are evil?”  Well, in anticipating just such a response, the Lone Grey Squirrel has compiled some witnesses who will testify about the truth about these dangerous creatures.

Witness 1 (Tim the Enchanter – from Monty Python and the Holy Grail/Spamalot)

(referring  to the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog which can only be killed by the Holy hand grenade of Antioch)

That’s no ordinary rabbit! That’s the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!

Witness 2 (Anya the Vengence Demon – from Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode “Once More, With Feeling)

“”Bunnies aren’t just cute like everybody supposes. They got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses, and what’s with all the carrots? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?”  (LGS: Why indeed?)

Witness 3: (Jody Powell, Press Secretary to President Carter – referring to an incident dubbed “the killer rabbit attack” when a rabbit threatened the President while he was on a boat fishing in Plains, Georgia)

““The animal was clearly in distress, or perhaps berserk. The President confessed to having had limited experience with enraged rabbits. He was unable to reach a definite conclusion about its state of mind. What was obvious, however, was that this large, wet animal, making strange hissing noises and gnashing its teeth, was intent upon climbing into the Presidential boat.”  (LGS: Rabbits should be on the Homeland Security watch list)

Witness 4: (Elmer Fudd – Ordinary American and rabbit hunter)

(with reference to Bugs Bunny)

“Be vewy, vewy quiet.  Wabbits have ears! Weally, long ears! Let me tell you about wabbits.  They are vewy pesky, evil cwitters.  Not only that, they are cwazy and scwewy.  If you get the chance, make sure you shoot them dead with buwwets or they will dwive you cwazy.”

Beware of Fluffy

So, you have been warned.  Keep your head down and we may survive the Year if the Wabbit.

24 thoughts on “Beware the Year of the Rabbit”

  1. Just go with the flow and do what rabbits are best known for as many times as humanly possible all year long and i think we will all survive the population increase just fine.

  2. Oh,I am in trouble now. Rabbits abound around here. My snow covered yard is covered with their brown spots. They usually are seen running away when I open my door. If it is their year I may have to arm myself with a broom. But I’ll be brave and fake them out. :o)

  3. I am happy to say goodbye to the Tiger. I will keep a close eye on the rabbits that live in our yard. They lost some of their “cuteness” when they ate all three of our attempts to have a vegetable garden last year. This year I will try to outwit them…

  4. And what is the Squirrel stance in all this? I would have thought squirrels would identify more with rabbits than with ferocious tigers…….just wondrin’.l

  5. You always do that to me! Now I have to watch “Once More, With Feeling” again!
    As for bunnies (that’s what they are called in this house), I love them! Not only that, but my very bestest friend is a bunny. And she deserves a good year. She really does.
    Anyway, I’m an ox, which means you won’t win an argument with me.

  6. Joyce,
    Keep that broom close by. Don’t be fooled by their cute pink twitching noses.

    Squirrels are rodents while rabbits are lagomorphs. I don’t really know what a lagomorph is but it doesn’t sound good.

  7. Laura,
    I know you are a pacifist but you can’t outwit them wascally wabbits. Use buwwets before they dwive you cwazy.

    I was born in the year of the tiger; so that makes me a tiger squirrel. Both tigers and squirrels have nice long tails. Rabbits don’t have noble tails instead they have strange long ears and what’s with the hopping? Can’t they run or pounce like normal animals? They just aren’t squirrels. Just saying….

  8. Kat,
    I understand that the groundhogs were too sleepy to dig themselves out from being buried under the snow. Perhaps they should give the Groundhog Day a raincheck or would that be a snow-check?

    Sorry but I base much of my life philosophy on Buffy and Whedonese wisdom. I wish your rabbit friend a good year cause she sounds like a nice rabbit and I am not going to fight a Taurus – although I think we are mixing up our zodiac systems.

  9. thinking of you ! 🙂

    “The modern humorist and frequent contributor to This American Life presents a new collection of keen-eyed animal-themed tales, including one about a toad, a turtle, and a duck who commiserate about animal bureaucracy while waiting in a complaint line, and another about a squirrel and a chipmunk as star-crossed lovers is separated by prejudiced family members. Illustrations by Ian Falconer (Olivia). Read by David Sedaris, Elaine Strich, Dylan Baker and Sian Phillips.”

    now I am wanting this …. and I am not supposed to be spending money…. go to the library Kat….. but it probably won’t be there 😦

  10. HA!
    Bunnies on the other hand …

    I tried wikipedia for finding out whether I was born in the year of the tiger or the rabbit, but I am terrible with numbers and simply can not find out when New Year was at the end of 1963. Can you help me? I was born September 1963 – is this still rabbit land? I am simply too dumb to count in the right direction. And always have trouble with “0”, and Where to start to count ?!

  11. Hey, I used to take care of my neighbor’s pet rabbit while they were on vacation…fed him, watered him, even let him out of his cage so he could hop around for a bit…..
    Do you think this gives me dispensation against the evil that is coming??????? 🙂


  12. Kat,
    Thanks for drawing my attention to “Squirrel seeks Chipmunk”. I have already heard of it and plan to buy it sometime next week. Went over and say your snow bunny. Where did you go for skiing?

    You, sir, are definitely a rabbit! Have a great year but remember to throw the rest of us some scraps.

  13. geewits,
    Indeed, it does seem as if I am going senile. Perhaps I have spent too much time with wascally wabbits. Enjoy your Superbowl.

    You are so lucky. You will probably be spared the fate facing the rest of us …….slaves in the carrot mines.

  14. The saying is- In the South We Ski on Grits!

    Sky Valley in north Georgia
    Cataloochee in North Carolina

    and twice I went West- to Utah!
    Solitude 🙂

    I was mad for it! Loved it. I wanted to ski after reading a book as a teen called….. Angel On Skis

  15. Debra,
    Ah, yes ……General Woundwort! That’s what the world would be like if we let the rabbits take over. Plus we will be doing hard labour in their carrot mines!

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