Two Funerals Past and a Wedding Soon


Over the last couple of days, I spent some time with my friend Porgie and his two kids, John (13 years old) and Meg (11 years old).   Porgie and family live 1,600 km away and seldom come to Kuala Lumpur.  The last time they were here was more than 3 years ago when Porgie’s wife was hospitalised for chemotherapy treatment of cancer.  Unfortunately, soon after she returned home and passed away.

This time, Porgie’s visit was with a happier purpose.  Porgie had found a new love and they are planning a life together.  This trip was to introduce his two kids to her two kids from a previous marriage.  My wife and I were privileged to be part of the introduction process and to back Porgie up in case the meeting of families did not go well.  However, as it turned out, there was nothing to worry about.  All four kids got on well and when we met up with them (a day after they actually met), they were already behaving like life-long friends.  Perhaps it helped that Porgie’s kids have long been concerned about their father’s loneliness and had hoped that he would find some new love.

So we had a riotous weekend with them, taking them shopping and sightseeing and generally giving them opportunity to have fun together.  However, in a quieter moment, when everybody else were busy shopping, Porgie reminded me that the next day was the 3rd anniversary of  his wife’s passing.  It was something that did not surprise me.  Porgie would never forget.

Coincidentally, that same day, I received an electronic message from another friend, Charles.  The message noted that that day would have been the 5th birthday of his wife since she passed away from cancer.  It celebrated everything that he had loved about her and thanked friends that have helped him in his grief all those years and continued to make her memory real for him.  Charles will never forget.

I don’t believe that Charles will ever re-marry; that’s just not him.   He will have only one love in this life.  At the same time, I fully understand and appreciate Porgie’s decision to remarry (and he seems to have chosen well, his new partner).  I don’t think it in any way diminishes the love that he will always have for his first wife.  Charles and Porgie have just chosen different paths.

I am thankful for my wife of 18 years and look forward to many more happy years together.  Still, thinking about Charles and Porgie, I wondered how I would have reacted in their position.  I believe that I am more like Charles but who can really be sure?

This squirrel is just pondering the imponderables.

(The names have been changed to protect young lovers all over the world).

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16 thoughts on “Two Funerals Past and a Wedding Soon”

  1. At the very least you are to be complimented for having seen them through the worst of times and to be congratulated that they wish to share the memories and best of times with you.

  2. ditto what VioletSky said…I hope you never have to be tested in that way either. I’m pretty sure if John died I would never marry again. But I don’t want to be tested either. 🙂

  3. If I were dying, I would encourage my husband not to give up on a second chance of love with someone else, but given his personality, I don’t think he would ever remarry. It was shocking to his family that he got married at all.

    I hope you and your wife have many, many, long happy years ahead of you together.
    Take Care,
    Melanie

  4. VioletSky,
    Thank you and yes, the kids really are mature about it. I think it was a great help for Porgie that his kids encouraged him to date again. The kids even went shopping to buy something special for future step-mom and it was entirely their idea.

    Mark,
    It was a privilege to have been able to share in both their time of joy and their time of sorrow. It is also a joy to watch these kids grow up and feel good about our tiny part in their lives.

  5. emerrube,
    I wish you and John long and happy lives. May we never have to face this test. I respect your thoughts on how you would react -same as mine but one can never be 100% sure, I think.

    Melanie,
    Actually, don’t know much about your husband. Why were his family surprised he got married? I love the ideal of never marrying again but also appreciate the pragmatism of recognising that life goes on.

  6. That is a lot of loss, but glad your friend has found happiness again. I like the snow on your blog, too 🙂

  7. The odds of my husband dying before I do are very slim, thank goodness, but I have zero interest in finding another mate. Any poor fella would never measure up.

  8. Everyone has to make their own decision in that event, and choose the path best for themselves. I am divorced so it is a very different situation, but since most of the 20 years were happy ones, I don’t imagine I’d choose to spend the rest of my life alone.

  9. geewits,
    I think your husband is a real lucky guy to have a wife like you and what great things to say about him.

    secret agent,
    I think you have too much joy of life to be alone. That would be a waste.

  10. LGS—You Cupid you! Such a sweet tale…..I’m sure Porgie’s first wife will rest easier now knowing that he is getting on with life. I would hope that the OC would find someone to share the rest of his life with if I were the first to go. I do not feel irreplaceable…..And besides, someone has to do the laundry! Wishing you and your wife many more years of happy matchmaking!

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