Don’t worry. This socialist squirrel has not sold out. This may look like an “advertorial” but be assured that I was paid nuts for this. No, I am merely sharing with you my good experience with a particular medical product.
I snore. Really bad. My wife is either long suffering, a deep sleeper or slightly deaf. And the snoring is a sign of something more sinister. For awhile now, my wife has mentioned that I sometimes splutter at night when I am asleep as if I was struggling for breath. I now know that I have been suffering from sleep apnea; a condition where due to some obstruction of the airway while I sleep, I actually have lapses when I stop breathing and then re-start with a splutter. In the long term this leads to all sorts of health issues. The most immediately observable symptom is dropping off to sleep during the day at the drop of a hat; sometimes even when I am having a conversation. I used to call these episodes “Panda-ing” cause pandas have that ability of dropping off immediately. However, it really is not a laughing matter.
Anyway for the last month, I have been using a device called the Somnoguard. It looks like a gum guard that a boxer or an athlete would use and worn over the teeth. But it also had a screw that can be turned like a medieval torture device which causes the lower jaw to move forward relative to the upper jaw.
The theory is that the apnea is caused by the soft palate or tongue closing off the airway at the back of the throat. However, the obstruction is relieved when the lower jaw is moved forward and the chin is raised. This is similar to the maneuver that is taught in first aid where, when dealing with an unconscious person, the chin is moved forward and up to clear the airways.
Well, I can tell you that this works very well. It takes a few days to get used to the discomfort of wearing Somnaguard but now I hardly realise it is there when I wear it at night. More importantly, within a week, I stopped snoring; I feel much more alert during the day and my blood pressure has even been lowered. So I fully recommend this procedure.
Now, “are there side effects?”; I hear you ask. Well, the teeth and gums hurt a little at the beginning and the lips may crack. The former goes away and the latter can be solved by using lip chap. But did I tell you about the unexpected additional good benefits? For one, you have a built in excuse for not taking part in long conversations at night cause you can do nothing but grunt when you have the device in your mouth.
However, the main additional advantage is that it trains your jaw so that your chin sticks out. I am told that this protruding chin look is quite the hit with the ladies.
I was hoping that it would help me look more like heart-throb Kirk Douglas.
Unfortunately, my wife tells me that I now look like ………..