A Superhero Apologises


I was having dinner with my wife and another couple at a new restaurant recently.  The place was well decorated and had some nice thoughtful touches which kind of offset the fact that they were still having teething problems and we were disappointed to find out that many of the items on their printed menu were actually not yet available.

One of the little things that they had was a set of cards with fun questions on them which was meant to occupy and entertain diners while they waited for their food to be served.  We tried a few of those questions and came across one that said, “If you could be a superhero, what superpower would you like to have?”

Rather unimaginatively, my three dinner companions all wanted to have the power to control people’s minds.  I suspect they were all influenced by the character Professor Xavier from the X-Men movies (and of course the original comic series, except I doubt if any of the three ever read X-men comics).

Then they turned to me and asked me what would be my answer.  Now, of course all you regular readers know that I am in fact the Lone Grey Squirrel with superpower of cuteness and the ability to bury bad nuts but I couldn’t say that in a public restaurant and compromise my secret identity.  So instead, I said that I would like to fly.

“Fly?  What kind of superpower is that?   Where would you fly to which you could not get to by airplane or helicopter?  It’s not much of an advantage …….unlike controlling people’s minds.  That has so many possibilities.”  Friend A said smugly.

I replied, “Being able to fly means being able to avoid the hassle of going to Low Coat Air Terminals and having to go through all those inconvenient security screenings.”

Friend B mocked, “That really doesn’t sound so impressive and besides how does flying around help you to beat the bad guys?”

My reply stunned them into silence and awe.  ” I would fly around above and poop on their heads ………I am Pigeon Man!”

Yes, with Pigeon Man, no head, shiny car, designer suit or dress is safe and statues tremble in fear! Mwahahaha.

P.S.  LGS would like to apologise to all pole dancers for implying in the last post that pole dancing was something sleazy.  A visitor came by to educate me to the fact that pole dancing is a healthy gymnastic-like activity and sport.  It is an athletic and artistic activity and not at all erotic;  it is very different from the stripper pole dancing that does attract sleazy men in smoky bars and nightclubs.  If you want to educate yourself more about the difference, visit unitedpoleartistes or read it at this wikipedia article.

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10 thoughts on “A Superhero Apologises”

  1. First thing: Being able to poop on the bad guys seems like a wonderful idea. You would, of course, need some kind of laser guidance system so as to have “smart poop” instead of the carpet bombing kind. And then there’s the problem of your luggage. I suppose you could figure out some kind of back pack thingy.
    Second thing: Pole dancing as some sort of respectable exercise is hog wash. That’s the same argument a group of local college coeds used to explain them erecting a pole in the middle of the student union. The fact that “exercising” in their underwear might be considered un-tasteful seemed to elude them. Not that I am opposed to pole dancing mind you, I just prefer it be a stripper in a smoky bar.

  2. The father of a dear friend of mine once took his hat off and made an elaborate greeting gesture to another person – and while he shortly held his hat with the open part towards the greeted, a pidgeon shat in it: It only took less than a minute and was a perfect staged action, coreographed if you will. After that he shot any pidgeon that came onto his house or even tried to.
    He developed a kind of reputation for roasted pidgeon btw.

  3. Mr. Charleston,
    I dunno about laser-guided “smart poop (though that is a great idea!) but by ensuring that I eat a lot of chilli and other noxious food stuffs, I can assure you the poop will “smart”. As for the sleaziness of pole dancing, I think the point is that almost anything can be made sleazy if done provocatively in underwear. For example, wrestling is a legitimate sport but then there is jello-wrestling -two very different things.

    Margaret,
    Thanks. I think so too. And no, Pigeon Man will not be wearing spandex and tights – it interferes with the poop delivery system! 🙂 Let’s not try to picture that in our minds. OOPS! too late.

  4. Never underestimate the super power of cuteness! I’d like to be able to do the Jedi Mind Tricks, personally.

  5. I would choose flight, too – so exciting, plus it makes a great way to escape from danger. Don’t think I’d be pooping on anyone’s head though.

    I looked at both the WIki article and the link – pole dancing still strikes me as sleazy. Just moving it out of strip clubs doesn’t make it feel wholesome to me.

    (I sent you an invitation to the now-hidden blog. If it doesn’t get there, email me at undergroundblog11@gmail.com)

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