Of Mice, Pigs and Roaches


Ralph Waldo Emerson said “Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door.”

Well, my wife and I did something like that a couple of days ago and as with many discoveries, the breakthrough came by accident.

Recently, my brother-in-law bought a kitchen product called an “air fryer”.  The publicity material claims that “air frying” was the same as deep oil frying but without all that unhealthy oil.  Happy with his new toy, he treated us to some french fries, roasted peanuts and crispy bacon that he had prepared using the “air fryer”.

We were quite impressed by how easy it was to use and how crispy the frazzled bacon was.  When we went home, we took out a convection oven that someone gave us as a present many years ago but which we had only used once.  An air fryer is actually an improved version of a convection oven.  Both instruments function by combining high heat and a fan to blast the hot air over the food.  No oil is needed and oil from the food actually drips away to the bottom of the instrument.

We tried to roast peanuts and that went very well.  We were pleased with the results.  Next we tried to cook some bacon.  We loaded in about 300 g of streaky bacon and watched as it cooked.  After cooking for about 20 minutes, the bacon came out scrumptiously crispy and flavorful, while all the bacon fat that came out during the cooking, accumulated at the bottom of the oven.  The bacon was delicious.

When we were cleaning up, I had wanted to throw away the oil from the bacon but my wife wanted to keep the oil.  She said the flavorful bacon drippings would be perfect to cook omelets with the next day.  So I collected all the oil into a shallow bowl and I left it next to the frying pan so that it could be used the next day to cook breakfast.

The next morning, I returned to the kitchen to cook breakfast and what did I find?

There was a large cockroach dead in the bowl of bacon drippings. An expired La cucaracha.  It had obviously been attracted by that bacon smell, found the bowl of bacon dripping and thought that it had died and gone to heaven, stuck its head in to drink, fell into the viscous oil, drowned and went to heaven.

Ladies and gents, it may not be a “better mousetrap” but a bowl of bacon fat could be a better cockroach trap.  Now that I have posted my discovery on the internet, you will find me sitting in my living room waiting for the world to beat a path to my door.  Don’t take too long world.

This experience also helped prove two long held beliefs.

1.  Everyone loves bacon and

2.  ALL THAT BACON FAT IS GOING TO KILL YOU!

P.S. I’ve waited for more than an hour and the world still hasn’t beaten a path to my door.  Now why is that?  Is the internet broken?

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18 thoughts on “Of Mice, Pigs and Roaches”

  1. The dangers of cholesterol.
    Does the world want to drown in Schweineschmalz? Or maybe the roach was suicidal?
    It could backfire, LGS, with crazed out roaches beating a path to your door. The lemming roaches of Malaysia – is News of the World still in print? I smell a bacon there …

  2. Sounds tempting for a quick death. We use the same idea with beer for our slugs in the veggie garden.
    But what a waste of fat for just one cockroach. What did you do with the corpse? Hide it from your wife and let her use the oil for the omelette, or put it on the floor for more victims?
    Intriguing post.

  3. Did the autopsy reveal clogged arteries on the roach? I know some who would find that a pleasent way to expire as long as the grease had cooled enough to shoot it straight to the artery.

  4. Mago,
    I don’t know about any lemming roaches but I have seen a few kamikaze type roaches that try to fly straight at you when discovered.

    Riot Kitty,
    I guess I am a bit pork-centric. Sorry. But fake bacon doesn’t cut it, I’m afraid.

  5. Schatzi Angela,
    I have heard of using beer for slugs but being a beer lover, it seems like a bit of a waste. I wanted to leave the Schweineschmalz around to get more roaches but my wife freaked out when she saw it and threw it out.

    Mark,
    No autopsy was done but I am pretty sure that the cockroach had a smile on its face.

  6. Twenty minutes to cook bacon??ouch. Too long to wait. I am a microwave paper plate and paper towel person when I give up the fight and have my bacon-fast & good.

  7. I’m so creeped out by the fact that you left any sort of food product sitting out uncovered overnight.
    Being from the south, I do save my bacon grease for seasong things such as cabbage and spinach, and for frying eggs, but I keep it in a sealed plastic container in the fridge.

  8. Joyce,
    20 minutes may seem long but it is a switch on and forget about it until it is done system; i.e. you don’t have to watch over it. The real disadvantage of this system is the washing up after.

    philosophermouse,
    I knew that as a philosopher, you would be interested in the truth! 🙂

  9. Violetsky,
    You place the bacon inside the cooker. Close the cover which also seals in the smells. Switch it on and set the timer and you can forget all about it for 20 minutes. No smells until its ready. The main drawback is that you have to wait till the whole contraption to cool down before it can be washed.

    geewits,
    Leaving the bacon drippings out and uncovered was a bit of an oversight on my part.

  10. Forget it JJ. Everyone knows the best roach trap is a half-filled can of beer. Now, as to cooking clean, crispy bacon. Try the microwave. Way faster and no mess whatsoever. (Just put bacon on top of some newspaper and cover with paper towel.) Oh, which reminds me of cooking something else in the microwave. Corn. Leave the husk on. Pop that baby in there for two minutes a side (I have a small machine) and you won’t believe how delicious and soft it is and the husk and silk just fall off. Chef Charleston was be seen on the Food Network Sundays at 3:00 AM.

  11. lol We don’t have these roaches, our cats eat the mice, we don’t cook breakfast so no deal but a magnificent invention anyway

  12. Haha, the Internet is still working, it´s just that it´s so filled with a lot of useless information that the world hasn´t quite yet found this pearl yet. Just wait. 😉

  13. Mr. Charleston,
    Are you a celebrity chef? Too bad I don’t get the Food Network over here but just in case, what was the name of the programme?

    hearts,
    I kinda have a cockroach phobia so if those critters beat a path to my door, I will scream like a little girl.

  14. Marja,
    No roaches? No cooked breakfast? No mice? Sounds so healthy!

    Evalinn,
    As you know, I am still waiting for them to give me the Nobel Prize. I expect I will have to wait at least another 50 years.

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