Keeping Our Battlefields Green

Once again, the Lone Grey Squirrel has scoured the world for more ideas to help promote war between humans.  After you have killed each other off, then us squirrels will take over the world.  And boy, have I found a gem.

It was President Reagan who gave the world the “Neutron Bomb”.  This is a thermonuclear weapon similar to an atomic bomb except that it is designed such that most of the energy released is in the form of neutron radiation rather than explosive energy.  This means less of a boom but more killer radiation.  Hence, it has been called the “capitalist bomb” because it was designed to kill people while preserving property.

Thankfully, some scientists influenced by the “Flower Power” ideals of the sixties or perhaps while under the influence of smoking weed power, have been developing the  ultimate “anti-capitalist” or “green” bomb.  “What’s a green bomb?” you ask.  It still kills people but it is more environmentally friendly cause it has less toxic byproducts which is good for us squirrels when we take over.

Sweden has always been schizophrenic about war and peace.  For example, Swedish inventor and industrialist, Alfred Nobel, set up the Nobel Prizes to recognize individuals who contributed the most each year to scientific and cultural advances of mankind.  One of the prizes is the famous Nobel Peace Prize which is awarded to those who have “done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses.”  But wait!  Alfred was also the inventor of dynamite and owned the Bofors company which is a major manufacturer of artillery and armaments.  War and Peace?

So perhaps it is not surprising to learn that the Swedish Army uses green bullets.  These bullets kill as efficiently and devastatingly like any other bullets but ….. wait for it……wait for it…….. it is lead free and releases less toxic gases when fired!  In fact, the company that manufactures these wonderful bullets claim that each green round is designed to “minimise the impact on users’ health” and on the environment while demonstrating “improved lethality”.  So you get to kill more enemy, improve your health and feel good about helping the environment.  What more can you ask?

Isn’t science wonderful?

On behalf of the other living creatures of the world, we thank you humans for finding new ways to kill each other while helping the environment.  A request please.  Could you perhaps design your land mines to be bio-degradable and have the explosives degrade to useful fertilisers for plants and trees?   Thanks.


17 thoughts on “Keeping Our Battlefields Green”

  1. I’d like to thank you for the salt into my personally always open wounds squirrel. Just remember though only cockroaches and apparently alligators survive anything.

  2. Wow, this reminds me of a sci-fi story I read in Fantasy and Science Fiction years ago. Russia had fired a round of special bombs on the U.S. that destroyed EVERYTHING but the people and the U.S. had sent bombs that killed all people but left everything else. The story was of a migration of Americans to Russia for food and shelter. It was an odd story but obviously it has stayed with me all these years. Sort of like the Ray Bradbury Martian story with the Americans, living over there, becoming Russians.

  3. Mark,
    You were not specifically targeted with the salt. I think man’s inhumanity to man is our collective open wounds. But those cockroaches sure are creepy, aren’t they.

  4. Ouch! More salt felt here. When a peaceful group going to worship are attacked and a police officer is shot 8 times maybe squirrels should rule. But let the Rapture come first.

  5. You need a slogan Squirrel. Something like the Eat Mor Chikin campaign. Maybe something like “Rapture Yur Neighbor”. Pretty soon all us folks will be raptured away and you little furry types will have the place to yourselves.

  6. Good night! That’s so messed up. How about military operations create green bombs that, instead of killing people, made them peaceful and amiable to everyone, squirrels included. Now that would be uber cool, don’t ya think?

  7. Dear LGS–it is heart warming to know that, when we humans finally solve the world population problem by blowing each other to kingdom come with environmentally friendly weapons the Squirrels of the world stand ready to take over—-and, hopefully, take better care of the planet than we have done!

  8. Joyce,
    I have friends in the Sikh community and they are a lovely and tolerant people. It is sad that this hate was directed at them especially as it seems they are a victim of misguided and misidentified hatred.

  9. Geewits,
    Thanks. I was rooting for her. I am so pleased. She is from one of our minority ethnic groups and was not given much press coverage here compared to other athletes. I hope she will get the recognition she deserves for beating so many talented divers for the bronze.

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