2012 as Told to a Squirrel by Monkeys

Happy New Year, dear readers! For the fifth year in a row, my new year resolution to “stop procrastinating” is already at death’s door before the first month is out. In case you hadn’t notice, it is eight full days into 2013 before I got round to wishing you all a Happy New Year. Tonight I plan to watch a video recording of the ball dropping at New York’s Time Square.

The Lone Grey Squirrel wishes to categorically state that rumours that he had been seen frolicking with a Singapore Girl in a steam room on  Oak Island,  Nova Scotia, Canada, after feasting on a Mongolian barbecue and drinking fermented yak’s milk, is totally untrue. Totally! Untrue.  Just because there was a special winter discount fare on Singapore Airlines, it doesn’t mean that the LGS flew there.   But, let me tell you, that if LGS did fly there, there is pretty much nothing to do there  but frolic in  a steam room.  Man, it’s so cold that a squirrel is liable to lose his nuts.

You may be wondering why the Lone Grey Squirrel is making even less sense than usual.  It is not due to the brain damaged caused by the alleged drinking of fermented Yak’s milk, rather it is another blatant and shameless attempt to drive more traffic through this website.  You see, according to the Helper Monkeys at WordPress, those words in bold were the main things that people were searching for when then stumbled on my blog in 2012.  So I am hoping that by including all 5 key words here, the traffic to this post will be increased by a gazillion times.

After all, I have no reason to doubt the Helper Monkeys.  They seem like nice simians.

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog and they only worked for peanuts.

Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 49,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 11 Film Festivals

Click here to see the complete report.

20 thoughts on “2012 as Told to a Squirrel by Monkeys”

  1. I have no idea what’s going on here, but danged if your clever ploy didn’t work. I was totally drawn in by the promise of fermented yak’s milk.

  2. stabbypaynes,
    I have no idea what’s going on here either! But trust me, fermented yak’s milk really is not as good as it sounds and probably doesn’t sound that good either. 🙂

  3. Riot Kitty,
    Nominated for awards would be movies like “The Nutty Professor”, “Mixed Nuts” (starring Steve Martin), Alvin & the Chipmunks etc…… Best acting nominations for the squirrels that co-starred with Johnny Depp (himself a wonderful nut) in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. This kind of stuff at the film festivals.

  4. Good grief Squirrel. Don’t you know if you want to drive traffic to your site you need to use the word SEX? You know, something like, the SEXUAL ramifications of drinking fermented Yak’s milk. But here’s a real winner. Some years ago I did a post of pictures of tattoo and piercing nut cases and entitled it “Proof that Vampires Exist.” To this day that post gets about 150 hits a week and the comments, now numbering 200 or so, lead me to believe that Vampires really do exist or that there are a hell of a lot of imbecilic juveniles surfing the web.

  5. Mr. Charleston,
    Thank you for introducing SEX to this blog. I will now sit back and await the deluge of visitors………….. still waiting…….waiting……..waiting……..still here………maybe I’ll check out “proof that Vampires Exist” – after all 200+ commentators can’t be wrong!

  6. LOL, if you saw my Sandy Awards post I did on New Years Day, you’ll see how much I really enjoy all the strange searches that bring people to my blog! With a few choice words, you can also get a bunch of preverts to check out your wonderful blog!

  7. evilsquirrel13,
    I read through your Sandy Awards post and boy did you get some strange searches! I did a post on traditional Chinese Lion dancing which was performed by acrobats balancing on poles and called it “Pole Dancing”. It certainly attracted a different crowd. 🙂

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