20 Years With Trouble and Strife


I know it’s been awhile since I posted and it was not due to a lack of material but from a lack of time to put mind to computer keyboard.   So for my catch up post, I thought I would  stick to the theme of romance in honor of Valentine’s Day  as well as touch on the fact that this is a new year according to the Chinese lunar calendar – kill two birds with one stone as it were (this was a phrase that always got the hackles up with my birding enthusiast friends whenever I used it while still working for a nature conservation organisation)!

First, I wish love and happiness to all young lovers ( and old ones too) on the occasion of Valentine’s Day.  Of course, I wish this for every day of the year.  For me, this year is a milestone in my marriage and last month, my wife and I marked our 20 years together as man and wife with a small dinner at a small restaurant with a few friends who have cheered us and helped us in our life journey together.  The “Trouble and Strife” in this post’s title is the Cockney Rhyming Slang for “wife”; or more specifically …..my wife.  Before I get in to trouble, it is meant as a term of endearment.  You know, like “ball and chain”.  Ummm.  Maybe I better move on.

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I have had 20 years of happy marriage with the love of my life.  I am a firm believer in marriage and it grieves me to see so many marriages today  in trouble or ending in divorce.  Marriage has been a great blessing but as with all good things, it requires work, commitment and self-sacrifice.  It has not been easy going all the time.  Yet, for the most part, most of our problems were from external sources – family relationships being one of them, but we found the strength in our love and trust in each other to weather all the storms thus far.  We had a few fights and quarrels along the way but truly they were but a few and we have a rule never to let the sunset on our anger.  This has been a good rule.  Life is too short to waste on being angry.

Anyway, I shared with the dinner guests the story of how we first met; my wife’s generally poor impression of me that first time; our deepening friendship; my getting cold feet and running away and how God brought us together again while I was studying for my doctorate in Ottawa, Canada.  I proposed to her in front of the Eternal Flame on the grounds of the Canadian Parliament while kneeling in the snow.  We got married almost exactly a year later in much warmer circumstances in Kuala Lumpur.  At the dinner, I also made a spectacle of myself by singing “our song” to my wife.  (the song is Billy Joel’s “And So It Goes”) which I think also impressed the serving staff of the restaurant.

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And so, I thank God for blessing us both and guiding us these twenty years and pray that by His Grace, we will continue to love each other as we age into hopefully a fine vintage.

That concludes my romantic section of the post and as promised, I will now touch on the Chinese New Year aspect of the post. As you may know, this is the Year of the Snake. This is of significance as this is my wife’s year! Yes! She is a Snake. Now the interesting thing is that when we were courting she misled me into thinking that she was a Rabbit. Now more than 20 years the wiser, I realise that my darling Rabbit speaks with forked tongue!

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16 thoughts on “20 Years With Trouble and Strife”

  1. Congratulations!

    I hope to reach the milestone you and your sweetie have achieved! I admit to starting out of the gate rather late!

    For Valentine’s I gave John a card and candy and a surprise …. I had mentioned casually, recently, that I might make a few changes in the bedroom…. and so the morning of the 14th while he was away I started the project …. which took most of the day ….. moving furniture and doodads and cleaning all the way …. and on into the living room too. Like dominoes, once you make decor and design changes in one place, then on and on it goes! All my efforts were very appreciated!

    I am a water dragon , he is an earth ox, by the way …. so does that bode well for us making it to 20?

  2. Mr. Charleston,
    The greeting card companies, florists and restaurants have all ably promoted the parting of fools and their monies by introducing Malaysian’s to the concept of Valentine’s Day. It is fairly popular here but certain Islamic religious groups have taken to actively harassing teenagers who celebrate the day. For them it is a Christian tradition that is immoral.

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