Poorphoria – Disease and Cure


Discovering Poorphoria
Discovering Poorphoria

Regular readers will know that the Lone Grey Squirrel is still waiting for his Nobel Prize for Science and Medicine.   But have I received that life-changing call from the Nobel Committee? Nope, I got nothing. Nada. Zilch. Nichts. Not a sausage!

And you know, being a Microbiologist, it isn’t easy to get selected……..you gotta find a new disease.    So with a bit of hard work, you find a new disease.  You hope that you don’t catch it in the process and with a bribe bit of luck you get selected by the Nobel Prize committee.  If you are really, really lucky, they don’t name the disease after you.

Anyway, I am very excited.  I think my time has come with my discovery of “Poorphoria” ( pôr-fahy-ree-uh).

Scientific breakthroughs are often made on the back of other discoveries and my “eureka’ moment came due to the excellent research into a related illness ……….. “affluenza”.

In the now famous case, a 16 year old from Texas, stole some booze, drove 70 mph in a 40 mph zone with a blood alcohol level three times the legal adult limit and caused a fatal accident that left four people dead and two others severely injured.

At his trial, the defence contended that the teen whose wealth and pampered upbringing prevented him from learning right from wrong and recognising the consequences of his actions.   As such he was not responsible for his actions because he suffered from “affluenza”.

Giving recognition to this “disease” the judge  sentenced the teen to 10 years probation and rehab at a special centre for which his parents will pay USD450,000 per year.

Poorphoria is a similar disease that strikes the very poor.  Because poorphoria sufferers have grown up in abject want and poverty, it is certainly not their fault that they then resort to crime to get what they have been denied in their childhood.  Furthermore, it is a disease with a very simple treatment.  Just give the patient USD 450,000 and he will be cured!

Poverty equals crime.  Give money, then no more poverty and therefore no more crime. No more poorphoria.  Q.E.D.

EDITOR’s NOTE: Despite the use of humor and sarcasm here to highlight the tragic farce, the Lone Grey Squirrel is actually very saddened by the incident that have occurred and grieves for those that have been killed and injured.  He also grieves for the legal system that has enabled such bizarre decisions to be delivered.

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10 thoughts on “Poorphoria – Disease and Cure”

  1. So, what is wrong with the Nobel Prize Committee? Do you not have enough friends in high places (I’m thinking “Trees” since your kind are such good climbers.

  2. Brilliant article LGS! =) Thanks for posting this – it’s so true, and it made me smile (except for the part about people actually dying…, of course)

  3. Oh there is a bit more to the story than that LGS. The kids parents had him living in his own house unsupervised, he didn’t steal the alcohol it seems that his house was known for party’s and at 16, while I will hold him accountable for his actions, when driving, even sober the hands tend to follow the eye, more so when drunk. Which in no way offers him an excuse but I for one hold his lack of parenting as the largest culprit in this horrific tragedy.

    Yes now 5 lawsuits (or more) have been filed, his father though as a business owner in Texas is almost a revered person because he employs people. He may lose a few million but it will never be enough to compensate for the loss of loved ones.

    I keep wondering if this kid is going to be William Zatzinger who up to his death about 5 years ago never issued a sincere apology to the family of maid he killed and got off. Bob Dylan made a song about the “life of Hattie Carrol”

  4. Mark,
    I understand that his parents have, themselves, had brushes with the law on a number of occasions but the charges were either dismissed or they just paid a fine. So avoiding consequences seems to be a family trait.

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