Regular readers will know that the Lone Grey Squirrel is still waiting for his Nobel Prize for Science and Medicine. But have I received that life-changing call from the Nobel Committee? Nope, I got nothing. Nada. Zilch. Nichts. Not a sausage!
And you know, being a Microbiologist, it isn’t easy to get selected……..you gotta find a new disease. So with a bit of hard work, you find a new disease. You hope that you don’t catch it in the process and with a
bribe bit of luck you get selected by the Nobel Prize committee. If you are really, really lucky, they don’t name the disease after you.
Anyway, I am very excited. I think my time has come with my discovery of “Poorphoria” ( pôr-fahy-ree-uh).
Scientific breakthroughs are often made on the back of other discoveries and my “eureka’ moment came due to the excellent research into a related illness ……….. “affluenza”.
In the now famous case, a 16 year old from Texas, stole some booze, drove 70 mph in a 40 mph zone with a blood alcohol level three times the legal adult limit and caused a fatal accident that left four people dead and two others severely injured.
At his trial, the defence contended that the teen whose wealth and pampered upbringing prevented him from learning right from wrong and recognising the consequences of his actions. As such he was not responsible for his actions because he suffered from “affluenza”.
Giving recognition to this “disease” the judge sentenced the teen to 10 years probation and rehab at a special centre for which his parents will pay USD450,000 per year.
Poorphoria is a similar disease that strikes the very poor. Because poorphoria sufferers have grown up in abject want and poverty, it is certainly not their fault that they then resort to crime to get what they have been denied in their childhood. Furthermore, it is a disease with a very simple treatment. Just give the patient USD 450,000 and he will be cured!
Poverty equals crime. Give money, then no more poverty and therefore no more crime. No more poorphoria. Q.E.D.
EDITOR’s NOTE: Despite the use of humor and sarcasm here to highlight the tragic farce, the Lone Grey Squirrel is actually very saddened by the incident that have occurred and grieves for those that have been killed and injured. He also grieves for the legal system that has enabled such bizarre decisions to be delivered.