I haven’t been sleeping much. This form of insomnia afflicts me once every few years, whenever the Olympic Games are on. Currently, it is the Sochi 2014 Olympic Games which is the source of my insomnolence. The time difference means that I need to stay awake from 2 to 4 in the morning to catch the best events live. Events such as the USA-Canada Gold medal women’s ice hockey match earlier today which incidentally was everything you would want in a game if you were an ice hockey fan and a Canada-phile like me – less so if you were rooting for Team USA.
This was really a heartbreak for the Americans who went 2 – 0 ahead and were generally having a much better game than their rivals. Victory was within grasp. But even as the Americans already had one hand on the gold, the Canadians drew one back with just 3 min 36 seconds remaining in regulation time. Still, USA just needed to keep the Canadians out for just a few minutes. Ah, but Canada gets another goal with just 55 seconds left, sending the match into sudden death overtime where they sealed their remarkable comeback victory with a goal at the 8 minute 10 second mark.
It had thrills, excitement and drama. It was great. It kept me up into the wee hours of the morning and now I walk around with dark rings under my eyes – and them be Olympic sized rings too!
Have you been watching the games? Many of the events in these Winter Games are strange to a non-skiing tropical squirrel like myself. Perhaps they may also be strange and unfamiliar to some of you dear readers?
As a public service and after intensive and exhaustive research, the Lone Grey Squirrel presents “Winter Olympic Sports for Dummies” to provide enlightenment and better appreciation for these weird and wonderful sports. Here I try to give simple and concise descriptions for each sport.
Ice Hockey – A smash and crash, check and deck, slash and dash fest involving a puck, fights and men (and women) with false teeth.
Curling – Stone throwing
Bobsled – A sport where you jump into a coffin and slide down a frozen Wet n Wild ride at breakneck speed. Don’t know who Bob is though?
Skeleton – That’s when you do the same thing but can’t afford the coffin.
Ski Jumping – “Oh, I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky” A cruel sport where spectators yell out “Jump! Jump!”
Skiing – The sport is just going downhill all the way.
Speed Skating (Short Track) – A great sport for watching spills and multi-person pileups.
Speed Skating (Long Track) – a sport that seems to really only involve orange clad Dutchmen standing on the winners’ podium – so it really hasn’t anything to do with the rest of us.
Biathlon – Sport endorsed by the NRA.
Figure Skating – This genteel and graceful sport involves kneecapping and death threats (see Tonya Harding video).
Well, that’s all folks. Must try to sleep now.